Simple question, but surprisingly hard to answer. Why?
Living in SG is more complex than it seems to be on the surface. The old mantra of working hard, make an honest living with integrity and pride, provide for your family and dependents,...they are still valid of course, but they are not enough, I feel.
SG being an open economy, with probably 40% or more of the work force being non-local (and this high percentage came about in a very short span of time), makes it a challenge for natives to adapt. The high cost of living in general also makes it tough to find your passion. Passion don't always put food on the table. And putting food on table is not enough. If you have kids, the education costs (in terms of real money, as well as the stress on the kid and parent) cannot be underestimated. Go to popular bookstore and take a look at any of the P1 books and you'll be shocked. Poor kids. I somehow felt lucky to be born in the 70s!
Now, back to the big question...what makes me happy?
I have been reading online and offline to find directions. Most makes sense to me, some examples:
1. Find a passion and stick to it
2. Be thankful for everything you have, including the ability to wake up and breath in air everyday
3. Focus on what you have and not what you do not have
4. Be more forgiving and less critical of others around you (unless it is related to professional work and very serious matters of life and death)
5. Smile more
6. Give back to society, to those who are not as fortunate
So, I need to have a checklist to remind myself how to be happy?
I have tried. It probably works for a few days, and then I am back to square one. Why?
I think I found the reason.
Happiness is not possible by action of yourself. Of course what you do does contribute to it, but if you are the only one contributing, it will not work. You'll run out of energy. It is like trying to fill up a pail with water using a small cup, but there is someone punching holes at the bottom of the pail. It is futile.
Probably only the strongest-willed, strongest-minded person can do it. I am not.
The people close to you needs to play ball in this happiness game. So, this is also important:
7. Stop contact with people who always put you down, disrespect you, don't care about your feelings, keep asking you to give up your time and energy for their own gains.
8. Put in more effort to spend more time with people who not only matter to you, but also at the same time, respect you for who you are, give you space, critical and honest with you with intention of helping you.
This is true. Hang around with too many low-morale, low-esteem, self-centered folks, and you will soon lose happiness. They only want you to join them most of the time.
Being thankful for what I have today is likely the single most important action I can do by myself. It pulls me through up and low.
Putting my daughter to bed each night, watching her doze off after she finished her bottle of milk, that's priceless. The cute cheeks, closed eyes, light breathing, the peace...she is just so precious. That is what drives me back to sanity after every hard day
The material possessions don't matter as I age. When I felt low, I thought a new gadget, especially something expensive, will perk me up. Well, it does, probably for 2 days. Then the anger set in...why did I waste my hard earned money on such empty things? I have more than what I need or could consume. Anything more is excessive and repulsive. Either those resources should be preserved for my kid, or they can be given to someone who needs it more. There are folks who struggle to make ends meet each day, not knowing if they will have money to pay for school fees, mending broken things to make them last longer, worried about falling sick and the high cost of healthcare. They had been shut out of my life with all these glittery things I have surrounded myself with. I forgot these people exist. I only look at what is the next thing I want, the next car, the next property. Well, nothing wrong in wanting the best for myself and family, but losing sight of what's around, losing the mindfulness and awareness, that's scary.
Now, the reasons for unhappiness are easy to spot. Targeting them will help make me less unhappy, but not make be more happy.
Perhaps a bigger change is required to turn things around. I don't know what it is yet, and also do not know if the courage is there if I found it.
Well, enough of the ranting. But I am not giving up my pursue. I want happiness. Wish me luck!
2013...here I come!!!!
Living in SG is more complex than it seems to be on the surface. The old mantra of working hard, make an honest living with integrity and pride, provide for your family and dependents,...they are still valid of course, but they are not enough, I feel.
SG being an open economy, with probably 40% or more of the work force being non-local (and this high percentage came about in a very short span of time), makes it a challenge for natives to adapt. The high cost of living in general also makes it tough to find your passion. Passion don't always put food on the table. And putting food on table is not enough. If you have kids, the education costs (in terms of real money, as well as the stress on the kid and parent) cannot be underestimated. Go to popular bookstore and take a look at any of the P1 books and you'll be shocked. Poor kids. I somehow felt lucky to be born in the 70s!
Now, back to the big question...what makes me happy?
I have been reading online and offline to find directions. Most makes sense to me, some examples:
1. Find a passion and stick to it
2. Be thankful for everything you have, including the ability to wake up and breath in air everyday
3. Focus on what you have and not what you do not have
4. Be more forgiving and less critical of others around you (unless it is related to professional work and very serious matters of life and death)
5. Smile more
6. Give back to society, to those who are not as fortunate
So, I need to have a checklist to remind myself how to be happy?
I have tried. It probably works for a few days, and then I am back to square one. Why?
I think I found the reason.
Happiness is not possible by action of yourself. Of course what you do does contribute to it, but if you are the only one contributing, it will not work. You'll run out of energy. It is like trying to fill up a pail with water using a small cup, but there is someone punching holes at the bottom of the pail. It is futile.
Probably only the strongest-willed, strongest-minded person can do it. I am not.
The people close to you needs to play ball in this happiness game. So, this is also important:
7. Stop contact with people who always put you down, disrespect you, don't care about your feelings, keep asking you to give up your time and energy for their own gains.
8. Put in more effort to spend more time with people who not only matter to you, but also at the same time, respect you for who you are, give you space, critical and honest with you with intention of helping you.
This is true. Hang around with too many low-morale, low-esteem, self-centered folks, and you will soon lose happiness. They only want you to join them most of the time.
Being thankful for what I have today is likely the single most important action I can do by myself. It pulls me through up and low.
Putting my daughter to bed each night, watching her doze off after she finished her bottle of milk, that's priceless. The cute cheeks, closed eyes, light breathing, the peace...she is just so precious. That is what drives me back to sanity after every hard day
The material possessions don't matter as I age. When I felt low, I thought a new gadget, especially something expensive, will perk me up. Well, it does, probably for 2 days. Then the anger set in...why did I waste my hard earned money on such empty things? I have more than what I need or could consume. Anything more is excessive and repulsive. Either those resources should be preserved for my kid, or they can be given to someone who needs it more. There are folks who struggle to make ends meet each day, not knowing if they will have money to pay for school fees, mending broken things to make them last longer, worried about falling sick and the high cost of healthcare. They had been shut out of my life with all these glittery things I have surrounded myself with. I forgot these people exist. I only look at what is the next thing I want, the next car, the next property. Well, nothing wrong in wanting the best for myself and family, but losing sight of what's around, losing the mindfulness and awareness, that's scary.
Now, the reasons for unhappiness are easy to spot. Targeting them will help make me less unhappy, but not make be more happy.
Perhaps a bigger change is required to turn things around. I don't know what it is yet, and also do not know if the courage is there if I found it.
Well, enough of the ranting. But I am not giving up my pursue. I want happiness. Wish me luck!
2013...here I come!!!!
